ncycle Electric Bike - $Thousands

nCycle: The electric bicycle former members of nSync wish they could afford.*

It used to be only Zeus could ride around on a bolt of lightning. Now, the well-to-do can do it as well. This is an electronic bicycle, and since leading lowercase e's, l's, c's, t's, r's, and o's had all been trademarked by other cutting edge hip and funky startup companies, they bring you the nCycle.

This bike looks like a version of the robot from iRobot forced to bend over and take what I give it.

nCycle has a pouch in it so you don't have to make your servant run behind you carrying souvenir copies of all the finance magazines your face is on the week. So just stuff them away, safe in the pouch between your thighs so you can come closer than ever to giving yourself oral.

Your bike locks to itself. So no one can steal it, forcing you to buy another electronic future bike. Which honestly wouldn't be that big of a problem 'cause you can totally afford it.

It also locks itself to posts. Well done bike.

Normally I'm a car guy. Not because they're way easier to use and someone else can operate it for you, but because they're expensive like things should be. HOWEVER, I'll make an exception for the nCycle, assuming the final ticket price is as high as I expect it to be.

Also, it folds. Like the boards of all those companies you Hostile Takeover-ed.

* - Clearly not talking Timbylayke.